Well hello again FEAR. I hear you, and I find you boring!!
Updated: Mar 22, 2022
Fear, you tell the same stories. You repeat yourself. You are constantly seeking attention. You are like that friend who is always convincing the group to go to the same place when the group wants to go somewhere different.
Through my meetings with clients, it has become evident that this fear inside us is stronger now than ever. Although everyone’s story is different, fear seems to be lurking at the root of all of it. This fear only breeds more fear. Whether it has been an increase in isolation, more time to think, more loss than people can handle or more uncertainty, the stage has been set for fear to grow exponentially. Furthermore, it is contagious! This fear limits choices, makes opportunities feel out of reach and takes away happiness.
Understand that everyone has fear. It is a part of us and therefore deserving of love and attention. In fact, it is actually there to protect us. However, this fearful part of us can very easily get too strong. Fear is like a toddler constantly needing attention and trying to get its own way. Think of it like this, "I love you kid, but you are not in charge here." Fear needs to be kept as just one small part of our being or it can very easily take control of the whole of us.
Many of us don’t even realize when it is fear that is shaping our actions. Fear is the master of disguise. How many times have you thought or said the following things: “I don’t have time.” “I just don’t like to ___.” “That just won’t work.” “It’s just not my thing.” “It’s not worth my energy.” “Things are fine the way they are.” “I’m happy enough.”
The reality is that there actually is time. You may like to ___. It just may work. It is possible that it is your thing. It may be worth your energy. Things are not fine the way they are. You are not happy enough.
When you find yourself saying I really want to … [change my social network, live well, get in shape, change my job, move, advance my education, join a new group etc.] and you haven’t done it, chances are that it is not that you literally do not have time. Fear is telling you its same old boring stories again.
Remember how the brain works. The subconscious mind thinks it. The body feels it. The conscious mind supports it. Therefore, your energy and experience aligns with it. A story is created, “Things are good enough just as they are.” Nothing ever changes.
What does fear look or sound like?
Here is a perfect example:
Fear: “Don’t write this post. It’s all been said before.”
Self awareness: Ahhhh fear is telling me yet another boring story.
Action: “Maybe I’ll reach someone who isn’t aware of the fear cycle?” We ALL need reminders of the information that we have already heard and learned. WRITE THE POST.
Reality: Do I have fears? Of course I do! Am I a warrior? Absolutely!!
With the right knowledge and support system, we are all warriors!
Create boundaries for your inner toddler and call upon your inner warrior.
I do want to pause here and explain that I do not mean to suggest that having fear is childish. Fear is part of all of us and exists to protect us. However, if this emotion can be humanized in the form of a toddler and its actions understood, it may help us to disempower it some.
The first step here is to actually realize when it is fear that is speaking. This is likely the hardest part.
Create your support system. Connect with your mentor, coach, therapist, energy worker, teacher or friend and allow this person to guide you in the realization that your actions or inactions are coming from a place of fear.
Now that you have identified that fear is at the root of your problem or the desire that you have not acted upon, what do you do about it? There are so many messages out there telling us to push past the fear. I believe this idea of pushing past the fear is too big.
Instead I prefer to think of it as this, “Ok fear. I know you are there. Thank you for trying to protect me. I’m going to stand alongside you and take this one action even though I know you are watching. I am going to be proud of taking action for action’s sake and I’m going to let go of the outcome. Then, I’ll do it again.”
Now maybe this means the same thing, but it’s all in the way you view it and in the words you choose. With these words, doing what feels scary seems more manageable, doesn’t it?
When you are able to take even just one step forward in the presence of fear, you become a WARRIOR!